The Real Life of an Entrepreneur

The New Year is upon us!

2006-01-02T12:15:00.000-08:00

I have the desire to say something meaningful and important. This is what "should" be done in the new year. Nope, don't have that sentimental thing happening today.....

I'm looking forward to getting started. I have some good ideas and I'm looking forward to finding out how to move forward with them. I have five more months of funding left, I really really hope that I can pull this off!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Big Cities and interest?

2005-12-09T12:07:00.000-08:00

Business is tough in the big city. It seems like no one cares. I just had this huge event the other day. 60 people came out. I advertised so hard. I sent out emails, posted flyers, talked to people, gave my vendors personalized flyers, etc. etc. It's so frustrating. Some exhibitors were really disapointed. They felt like it was a waste of their time. Others get it and see the value in it. They see that it is important to network and that sales may not come immediately. I never claimed to be a huge trade show or something where they will make hundreds of dollars. Gosh, I am sure most of them made more money than I did, and I worked my butt off!

What's the point. No one cares about stuff in the big city. There so much to care about, that we choose to care about nothing.

The Murder of Passion

2005-11-29T04:54:00.000-08:00

When did it call become about money?

My partner and I were talking about how much the music industry has changed and how it seems that the popular music of today is very stylized to fit a very specific demographic. It seems that even the underground musicians are trying to fit themselves into this little box as well.

I'm not saying these people are bad for trying to do this? Gosh, I think this is what I'm doing too - trying to fit my business into this neat little box that the consumer will want (aka understand)without question. The problem, for me, is that my business doesn't fit into a box. It's different and hard to understand by nature. The only way to put it into a box is by changing it entirely.

Will I? Will I pick money over passion? Do I have to? Do I even have passion anymore? Is my passion money now? Am I one of "those" people? Do I have to be one of "those" people? Am I insinuating money is bad? I don't want to think money is bad. I just don't want to put money ahead of passion and happines. I don't want to fall in love with money....how pathetic would that be!

Is money murdering passion? Or, metaphorically....is money our gun.... meaning, are we murdering passion?

Is Oprah passionate about her work, or is she passionate about her work because it has made her freeking loaded? Would she be just as passionate if she were still poor? Is there purpose to staying true to passion if staying true to it keeps you struggling? If you are truly passionate, is that when money finally finds its way to you?

How does it work? What's the formula? Is there a formula?

I think for me it's important to accept that without money it's hard to be passionate because a lot of what makes us passionate is sharing our ideas with people who care. If no one cares, why bother?

What if people only care if it's free? What if the value on what you have to offer is so menial you just can't afford to do it? What happens to passion then?

Is passion and business different? Do we have to separate them entirely? Perhaps trying to make them work together will drive me utterly mad!

The Meaning of Success

2005-11-28T17:45:00.001-08:00

As I'm sure we all know, success means a number of things. Here are some questions to help us determine what success means to us...or if we have it yet....?

1. Can we have success without sacrificing something that is important to us?
2. Is there such thing as having it all?
3. How big of a role does money play in succes?
4. Can we be a millionaire and still have a rewarding life outside of making money?
5. Will people like you for you, once you are wealthy?
6. Can you be successful in one part of your life while being wildly UNsuccessful in another part?
Think about it.

Money Issues & Success

2005-11-24T06:30:00.000-08:00

Ya know how some people pretend when they have money when they don't......or the whole notion that the wealthy are cheap is interesting to me right now for a number of reasons.

My parents always critisized people who didn't spend money to make their home really nice or to make themselves look really nice. My dad always said if you aren't look rich, you should look or pretend to be rich. I kind of get that because we are what we think..... but, there is also the idea that sometimes you just have to be cheap and realize that you can't have certain things and there is no shame in admitting it to yourself or others.

Or, is there? Do you receive less respect in business when you are struggling? Will people wonder why to work with you if you aren't successful?

What does all of this mean. Argh. Meditating on these ideas.... success? money? How do they relate?

Procrastination

2005-11-24T06:27:00.000-08:00

Ya know, until I was actually working full-time on my business I was so much more motivated and hard-working. It seems that this has started to make me lazy..... Why is that? Why do I get so unsatsified so quickly?

Perhaps one day this will be answered.... for now, I'm going to blame it on the crappy Ontario November weather. YUCK!

The better side of business

2005-11-19T16:20:00.001-08:00

I've been reading over some of my emails and realize that I probably sound like the hugest whiner on the planet. Complain complain complain that's all I do.

Well, here's a better side of me... the better side of being in biz.

I've been spending a lot of time walking to all of the businesses in the area giving them discount coupons for my workshops and some really good things have come of it. Not only have I met some really nice people, but, I got an exhibitor for one event and I've even had a few potential calls regarding my workshops. It's really good!

ALSO. I put event listings in the local paper and someone just called me regarding the listing. Isn't that coolest thing ever!

See, lot's of good things happen. I should really stop using this as a forum for bitching and complaining!

Reality of it

2005-11-14T11:28:00.000-08:00

Wow. It's amazing how I've been sick so much since October. I was better for about 5-10 days and now I feel something coming on again. It can't be the stress, I'm hardly worrying about business. I suppose if I'm worried, it's only because I should be more worried...... :)

It's amazing how much of an effect this has on success because getting ill really affects motivation and excitment about things. Especially when all you want to do is sleep.

New challenges keep coming up. Recently someone told me that starting a business is the hardest thing one could try to do. It is so true. There are so many challenges involved. Not only do you actually have to make money, but in my case there are all of these emotional issues to deal with in terms of confidence and drive. I think I said before that being an entrepreneur has a huge effect on personal growth. It has to be... if I don't grow, I can't be successful.

What the heck is passion?

2005-11-10T08:12:00.000-08:00

People are always talking about passion and how you need to have it to succeed. I'm not talking phantom people...it's everyone from my boyfriend to Donald Trump.....

Passion? What is it? What creates passions? What keeps it alive even after you've been kicked down over and over again? Even after people tell you that you just can't be successful doing what you're passionate about?

At this point I can' t even remember feeling passionate. Is there even such a thing as being passionate?

People keep telling me that I don't have enough of a target market; that people are too lazy for the product/service that I offer; that people just want to go buy stuff.....

People pointing out my challenges validates these insecurities I have about what I do.... they don't even ask my plans for the future. They look at where I am today, and think that I don't have any fucking idea of where it is that I plan to be tomorrow.

I know this. I get this. I do have plans and all of these jerks are judging me based on their limited knowledge about who I am and what I do.

How can I reconcile my insecurites?

Great Balls of Fire

2005-11-04T06:05:00.000-08:00

I haven't talked about this in here, but, I've been sick for OVER a month! I haven't realized just how sick until this morning when I woke up feeling energized and hopeful. I feel like I can conquer the world. There is energy to burn and boy oh boy, I'm gonna burn it!

I feel like dancing to that song not sure of the title, but there are lyrics that say "goodness gracious great balls of fire".

Gonna do so much today. The sun is shining. I'm positive. I'm alive. A glimmer of hope is alive within me!

Reality?

2005-11-02T12:28:00.000-08:00

This feels so unreal to me.

I wake up in the morning, really early, groggy feeling, ready to fall asleep in seconds. I think about my life, what I do, and what my business is about. I get this sense that it is the stupidest thing ever. That I'm completely mad to be doing it because there just isn't a big enough target market. Why the hell do people want to spend money on me....on this service I offer whe there are so many other things people want to buy.

I dunno.... I feel like a fraud. Like a little kid playing. I wonder if I need therapy?

People like me!

2005-10-25T07:08:00.000-07:00

People like me. Someone gave me the most beautiful testimonial ever. She really gets what I'm doing! She put it so eloquently! It's like I have really added something special to her life and given her an experience that has truly effected her soul and has helped her find some happiness and calm in her life.

There is purpose. There is hope.

This whole educating thing is going to work. I feel it. I know it! YAY!!!!

The Apprentice?

2005-10-20T05:54:00.000-07:00

So. Does anyone else out there find those people on Donald Trump's "The Apprentice" kind of super-human.

I'm not saying that they are amazing people or anything. Some of them actually seem pretty insane and not so smart, but, wholly cow. The energy and drive they have amazes me. I just couldn't do what they do on that show. Not that I'm not smart and marketing savvy, but, I'd really need a day off at some point. More sleeping. It's jus non-stop. It seems horrid!!!!

That girl who walked off the show last season must be the only sane person who has ever been on it. There was also one person who talked about the insanity of the non-sleeping and how that makes you kind of batty. She was pretty normal too.

How do they do it? Does my inability to find that kind of drive within me make it hopeless for me to succeed in business? Or, does it just make it hopeless for me to become a millionare money monger capitalist who cares nothing about the effect of their wealth?

Thinking. Doing so much of it these days.

Stink?

2005-10-10T20:31:00.000-07:00

So, I'm trying not to talk about my business AT ALL in here. I want this to be about what it's like having a business. BUT, I am going to drop a hint, just to tell this story.

So, part of what I do involves essential oils. This can be frustrating in our society because there are so many people who like peach scent or strawberry scent or all of those other stupid chemical scents. When I show them my stuff, and they talk about how much it stinks I want to crawl through walls and just yell.

I feel very attached to the oils. It hurts to hear someone judge them on scent, since they offer so much outside of that. Besides, I think they all smell amazing.

Freekin' people! It's so hard dealing with all of this!

I'm not Wal-Mart for goodness sake!

2005-10-10T14:12:00.000-07:00

O.k. So, in business I imagine that I'm not the only person who goes through the price dilema. But, seriously, is it true that people really are as rude as they come across, or are they just dumb?

Yesterday someone actually told me that I should cut my price in half. They actually said that if I want people to use me I have to compare myself to something in the market and then make my price lower than theirs. Wow. Wow I thought. This is something every marketer tells you not to do. You just don't market based on prices. In my case, this is absolutely ridiculous considering what I offer has so many other things to value.

It just really bumbed me out. I was all motivated and excited and energized, and then that happend. It really made me feel like this is all pointless. Like I am doing a TERRIBLE job getting across the values and purpose and effect of what I offer.

It is SOOOOOO hard staying positive. Luckily I have an amazing partner, but, what if he wasn't around. I think I would have closed my doors for the day, AGAIN, and would have crawled under a blanket to watch Oprah or some other really depressing T.V. show where I can't relate to anyone.

I made it happen

2005-09-30T16:08:00.000-07:00

So, I've been working towards my first promotional event for a really long time - since I've finished the in class portion of the program. And, actually even before I started.

Well, it happend recently and it was a huge success. The exhibitors seems satisfied, the attendees were really happy, I was calm the whole day. It was great.

Yippee. Now I gotta start planning for the next one. Sadly, I'm sick! SICK....it's just so typical!

More kindess to "the worker"

2005-09-20T08:47:00.000-07:00

So, I did some more nice stuff for the worker in me. I gave it a break and let it go out for a one hour lunch to Harvey's - GUILT FREE. I say guilt free because my worker takes a lot of time off these days.....it just gets whipped when it comes back.....

Wow, I just wrote that I realized that I'm treating the worker in me like a freeking slave. Like the only thing that matters to it is the stupid 50 cents an hour it makes.

Wow. Ya know, that's probably what I make per hour. That's pretty sad man! This better get better. Who the heck are those people who make like a million dollars in their first year of business. Is there really a devil that you can sell your soul to in order to make that happen. It seems like their must, because, at this point it seems really impossible.

Hmm.

2005-09-06T05:19:00.000-07:00

Ok. So, today I learned that there are three parts to an entrepreneur. The manager, the entrepreneur, and the worker. All of those three parts need to be satisfied in order for things to run smoothly. For awhile my manager and entrerepreneur were doing really well, but, now the entrepreneur in me is bored and exhausted so the only one actually functioning is my manager.

This is very hard since the manager is dealing with two unmotivated and unsatisfied helpers.Isn't it funny. We can really use the solo time as entrepreneurs to learn how to manage others.I've been trying to think up employee appreciation type things in order to help me. Today, I gave my worker the morning off....GUILT FREE. Feeling better this afternoon. Need a bit more of this. Perhaps tonight, I will give it a cake :)

One success at a time

2005-05-07T05:23:00.000-07:00

I just had a success. I got into this program that teaches you how to be a business owner for two months and then pays you monthly for one year. It's like a $19,000 grant. How super duper cool is this. I am so excited. I feel like it is finally beginning, like this is finally going to happen. It feels like someone finally sees value in what I do. This is huge since my biggest challenge is basically not feeling like anyone cares.

YAY. Time to celebrate.

2004-12-08T05:21:00.000-08:00

Today I am filled with sadness and lonliness...a sort of depression. I don't know what to do to change who I am to make me not sad about the things I'm sad about. Wouldn't it be nice if everything suddenly seemed clear?

None of my ideas feel like good money making ideas. I don't want to be one of these people who struggle and struggle and never get anywhere. I want to be the kind of person that is respected for their business sense, integrity, and creativity in business - not to mention success as an entrepreneur.

There are issues of moralness and of course values. I want to be a good person, a kind person, a moral person who does good business. But, I also want to make money. Lots and lots of money. Well, it doesn't have to be ridiculous amounts, but more than I make now would be nice. Is it too much to want to make $60,000 a year? Really, I wouldn't be the first person. I wouldn't even be an anomoly or anything.

Do I really care about doing what I love or is money more important to me at this time. Should I do "******" and build it slowly on the side, but focus on a job and a better money making idea that I won't necessarily follow or do for the rest of my life?

Perfectionists?

2004-09-18T05:22:00.000-07:00

Owning a business is filled with numerous emotions. It's like your business is a whole other person. In life we seem to make the same mistake(s) over and over again until we finally get it. In business I believe the same things happens. We go around in circles trying to find a solution whilst solving the problem(s) in the same old way(s).

Personal growth is acheived in the truest sense for business owners. It not only forces us to be several different people, it forces us to try and be the best of all of those different people at the same time. On top of all that in order to succeed we have to change those faces hundreds of times, each time striving to be the best. I have to say this is a wonderful challenge for over-acheivers and perfectionists alike (I am the latter of the two...hadrly an over-acheiver despite my struggle to be one).

The under-appreciated worker in me

2004-07-06T05:19:00.001-07:00

Ok. So, today I learned that there are three parts to an entrepreneur. The manager, the entrepreneur, and the worker. All of those three parts need to be satisfied in order for things to run smoothly. For awhile my manager and entrerepreneur were doing really well, but, now the entrepreneur in me is bored and exhausted so the only one actually functioning is my manager. This is very hard since the manager is dealing with two unmotivated and unsatisfied helpers.Isn't it funny. We can really use the solo time as entrepreneurs to learn how to manage others.I've been trying to think up employee appreciation type things in order to help me. Today, I gave my worker the morning off....GUILT FREE. Feeling better this afternoon. Need a bit more of this. Perhaps tonight, I will give it a cake :)